I guess the words of my last sermon are a lot more important now:
The end of the year provides us a great opportunity to reflect back on our life. It allows us to look at many of the joys that we have had; at many of our great experiences from the last twelve months; at our disappointments; at the questions of the past year of our lives that we have asked. Our Gospel lesson from today ends with a series of questions. Why have you treated us like this? Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house? Not a single one is answered. And we’ve all been there before, haven’t we? In a place where we just feel like it is us and God and we ask questions and wait and then…nothing. We feel like we get no answer from God. We sit and wait and reflect on what is going on in our lives and then wait more only to think that our questions and prayers have fallen on deaf and divine ears. Mary’s situation is not far off from that. She is in a crisis situation in her life, at least a situation of great panic; she’s lost her only child and has no idea as to when or where. And upon finding you can almost hear the string of questions that comes out of Mary’s mouth. “Where have you been? Where did you go? Do you have any idea what your Father and I have gone through?” Mary doesn’t get an answer, at least she doesn’t get a direct answer, instead Jesus, the Son of God, the Word incarnate answers much in the same way that any other twelve year old would, “Why are you worrying? Didn’t you know where I was?” It is an interaction that we can all understand (from one side of the conversation or the other) and yet it doesn’t seem to help Mary at all, it doesn’t seem to comfort her at all as she is left to ponder her questions. And it seems that we are at a bit of a disadvantage, if Mary cannot get a straight answer from God, from the very Word incarnate, then how are we to expect to get one from God?
The most that I’ve ever felt like Mary was my sophomore year of college. It was a dark year of my life for many reasons. There were family problems that were almost 150 miles away, I was without direction…not knowing what my major was going to be or what it was that I wanted to do with my life, I was extremely stressed out, I was having conflicts with my roommate and so so much more. As the year went on life became more and more difficult and my multiple prayers, pleads and questions to God throughout the year seemed to go unanswered. I couldn’t wait any long for an answer so I went for a walk. I walked out into the now rainy night and started a tirade directed right at God. I was angry with God with the position that he had put me and my family in. And so I yelled at God. I made ultimatums for God. I said things to God that I would never and have never repeated since. It was a night that I was not proud of but a night that I felt that needed to happen. Now, many years later I can say that many if not all of my prayers were answered, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
In times of great trial it is hard to see where God is. When everything around us seems to be falling apart, it is hard to see where God is. And if Mary had issues with this what are we to do? Many of the miracles of the Advent/Christmas/Epiphany season are not events that we see everyday…or ever any more. I have never seen an angel before. People aren’t sent to barns to stay some place because the hotel is full. Wise men don’t travel halfway around the world for the birth of a child. And finally, it’s not everyday that God comes down to earth as an infant to redeem the world. It’s not everyday that one can converse with the God in flesh and bone. So what can we do?
What can we do when our world falls apart around us? What do we do when we are ill? When a loved one dies? When we lose our job? When we feel like we are out of control? We often become angry. We yell. We ask God, “Where did you go God? Why did you abandon me? Do you have any idea what I have gone through?” “WHERE WERE YOU GOD?!” We are so wrapped up in the crisis of our life that we cannot see God. And justifiably so, when we are asking God these questions it is normally because we honestly feel like God has turned turn his back on us. We wonder why God hasn’t listened to our prayers, to our questions over the many months or even years before we ask these questions in anger and frustration before God. Ultimately we wonder where is God in midst of this life crisis?
So what is the answer? Where is God? I think that God would say something like this, “Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” And although Mary may have had to ponder the meaning of these questions, we know what this means. We know that God has gone no where. God has always been right here. God does not leave us during times of hardship, rather God stays with us. And although we may not see it at the time, God’s hands are guiding us and those around us to help during times of hardship and suffering.
Now during my sophomore year of college I thought for sure that I had been forgotten by God, but I should have known better. Looking back at that year now, I can see God’s loving presence in each moment. I can see working with my friends and family to help me and my family. In fact, looking back at it now I can see God working hard to make his presence known, it just wasn’t what I was looking for.
So often when we feel like the prayers and questions that we have laid before God remain unanswered it is because we expect certain answers. I know with my own experience I was expecting multiple miracles from God without having to put forth any effort on my own. I wanted God to miraculously fix each of the, what seemed to be, life shattering problems over night. But that is unreasonable. My family crisis was impossible to resolve over night, my relationship with my roommate was not going to be solved over night and even knowing what I wanted to do with my life was not going to be figured out over night (and that might have been the easiest of the problems at the time). Life doesn’t work that way, God doesn’t work that way but we can take solace in the fact that God isn’t going to give up. God is going to stay right beside us as we work through our hardships. God suffers along side us. God is with us in our struggles.
This is the Good News of this Gospel lesson that God will not leave us. One of the commentaries that I read said that it is hard to find any good news in this lesson because of the fact that there is no resolution, no answer to the question; Mary is left to ponder and stew over her brief conversation with her son. But I think that the message is quite clear; Christ is always where he belongs and where he is needed. And he is needed here at Family, here in this building that is our sanctuary, what we call God’s house and here, in our hearts, never leaving us no matter where we go or what we do or what we suffer through. And I know that it may be hard to hear but I hope that if you will not hear it from me that you will hear it from someone because God is with you now and forever. So next time you ask, “Where are you God?” You can know that he is not far, for he is right here and he hasn’t gone anywhere. Amen.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
2009: A Review
I apologize for the long absence from blogging. Life got busy and the blog got neglected, but I am here for a triumphant return. Which is odd because I was told by one of my friends that I triumphantly returned to life again at the beginning of 2009.
The end of the year is almost here and with it comes a reflection of what has past. It is something that I have done for a number of years and each year seems to bring about different changes, different revelations about myself and the people around me. Now I could probably look back with great concentration and see different lessons from some of the more recent years to compare, but I honestly don't have the energy so I will focus on what has happened in the last 365 days, give or take a few.
In the year of our Lord, 2009, day one began with heartache; or at least the lasting effects of heart ache. But at the same time it was counteracted with the arrival of new friends. New Years Day was spent with my family, watch the Rose Parade and eating some sort of wonderful hot breakfast cooked by my father. The conclusion of New Year's Day proper meant that I was to be returning to St. Paul, to continue with school for the rest of the year.
It was here that new friends were to be found through the arrival of my January Term cross-cultural class that took place in South Minneapolis. It was a wonderful experience, in an old and cold church, that involved many lively discussion and an even greater amount of churros. I met some wonderful people there, people that I probably never would have got to know if it wasn't for the class. And even though the course was spent largely in a cold room, the people were loving and warm and full of life. A wonderful experience no doubt.
February brought with it two beginnings: the beginning of the semester and the beginning of a long weight-loss journey that I am still wondering my way through. Academically the semester was hardly out of the ordinary (although I did complete my first fully online class), but the weight-loss was a totally different story. I actually had started this journey back in August, but due to illness and certain involvements in my social life, it came to a bit of a halt. So I started again. I found myself weighing at just around 250 pounds and I set a goal of 210 by the Fourth of July. It gave me a weekly goal of just about two pounds per week. So I started getting up a little earlier than I had before and going to the gym. This wasn't always the easiest of things to do when it was freezing cold in the morning, but I went none-the-less. It was a hard that first month, but I hit my weekly goals each week.
Month-by-month the semester went by. And there were two classes that I thoroughly enjoyed: (although I think that all of my classes in the spring were great!) my online Holy Spirit class and my creative writing class. My Holy Spirit class was one of the most work intensive courses I have ever had. Being that it was online, there were large amounts of reading and even more writing to be done (I averaged about 12 double-spaced written pages per week, just for this Holy Spirit course). But at the same time I think I learned more from that Holy Spirit course than I did from any other. Granted the burden of learning was on my shoulders. If I didn't read or reply to the postings online, then I wasn't going to learn anything. It was a great challenge and I only wish that all online courses were that well done. And then there is the creative writing course, which was entirely less work intensive, but equally as rewarding. The class was small and it was spent entirely in discussion about how to write creatively and religiously. Our creative outlets were through hymns, poems or short stories/vignettes. It was a good opportunity to flex some creative writing muscle in the middle of a world dominated by dry academic writing. It also provided a nice counter-point to the very work intensive Holy Spirit course.
The spring semester of 2009 also brought with it the fulfillment of two plus years of course work and learning as I was to finally find out where I was going to be headed for internship. This was a process that I had started and inevitably had to delay in the spring of 2008; which meant that going through the process again was bittersweet. It meant that I had to going through some of the same orientation, listen to some of the same questions and read through some of the same congregational profiles again. It was a stressful process and I really just wanted to get it all over with and find out where I being sent.
But I still went through it all. I went to each of the orientation sessions. I read through dozens of congregational profiles. I rewrote my internship application and when all was said and done I had my heart set on one congregation in particular. Now before you get your hopes up like I did, I didn't get assigned to the church that I had my heart set on. I wasn't even told that I didn't get one of my four preferred congregations. Instead I opened up an email and I was assigned to a congregation that I had only read the profile once: Family of Christ Lutheran Church in Vancouver, WA. I was shocked and I didn't know what to do. I was crushed. (Before any of you readers out there get any ideas, I have loved my internship site and I have been blessed to be here, but I didn't know that this was going to be the case at the time.) It felt like I was dumped; which is ironic if you know how 2008 ended.
But life went on, and so did the semester. I finished my course work and was looking forward to a nice summer, a summer of rest before life to a left turn at Albuquerque and I started internship.
The summer of 2009 was full of travels; and with three different driving trips that were no less than 500 miles each, it was a lot of traveling. The first was a trip back home. Normally going home would mean jumping on a plane, but I had to get my car back to California for an emissions test so it was a road trip this time around. My Dad flew out from California and we drove across the country and back. The drive out to California was great. We had great weather, and even managed to get a free stay at a hotel for the return trip. The return trip, that was another story. But first, I should say that I enjoyed my time at home. I knew that I didn't know when I was going to make my way back home again so I made sure that I took extra time at home. But after almost three weeks at home I was ready to get back to my friends. The return trip. The return trip was nice until we made our way into Nebraska and then the fecal matter hit the rotating blades. The check engine light turned on not shortly after we entered Nebraska and it wasn't able to be fixed by a dealership until we got to the other end. Which really only temporarily fixed the problem as the check engine light came on again in Iowa. Long story to a short story; it was $1200 and three dealerships later until the car was completely fixed. I was not happy about it, but there wasn't much I could do. The next few weeks were a blur of activity.
I went camping to Lake Itasca, MN with some of my friends from the seminary. It was great fun, even though it rained practically non-stop. Basically the only times it didn't rain was when we set-up and took down camp and the hour or so that we spent on the lake canoeing. I should be happy to say that I managed not to tip the canoe even though I hadn't been canoeing since the 5th grade. It really was a great trip and I thoroughly enjoyed my tent bound trip with my friends.
I should pause this story to make note of the Fourth of July. It wasn't anything particularly amazing, fireworks and all the regular stuff that you expect from the celebration of our independence; but it is worth noting that I made my weight goal. In fact I had surpassed it by four pounds, weighing it at 206 pounds. It was a long and hard journey, but from August of 2008 to July of 2009 I went from 275+ pounds to 206 pounds. It was a net loss of approximately 70 pounds. I actually lost more total weight than that as I was down to 228 pounds in December of 2008 but gained the weight back by the beginning of February of 2009. My gross weight loss was approximately 92 pounds. Now granted some of that weight loss can be attributed to having mono at the end of 2008 and into the beginning of 2009. But I would like to think that I did most of the work.
After my trip to Lake Itasca it was a short rest before I had to back my life into boxes and head out west again. My last week in St. Paul was spent packing and organizing my life in to various size containers and figuring out what I was to keep with me and what was to stay back in storage. My final full day in St. Paul was marked by many good-byes and tears and packing up my car for the journey across the country.
My drive out to Vancouver, WA went without any sort of problems (thanks be to God!). I arrived at my new place of residence and was met by a few eager pair of hands to help me unpack. It was odd to not be living on a campus of higher learning any more, but I welcomed the site of a full kitchen at my disposal.
I arrived in Vancouver about a week before I was to officially start my internship and so I took advantage of the time and visited some friends in Seattle and took some time to set up and rest before a twelve month journey of learning and ministry.
At first start, internship was more questions than answers and I think that the first month I spent more time just trying to figure out what was going on than I did anything else. I spent much of that first month sitting in my office not know what it was that I was supposed to do, but that soon changed.
With the beginning of October came the beginning of what I think was my full swing of ministry. I took over the Adult Education hour (Adult Forum) between services Sunday mornings, as per the request of my supervisor; I continued working with the confirmation class; I started preaching on a regular basis; started thinking about my internship project; I started working with the youth; and much more. All of a sudden life didn't seem so boring, and I started to know what was going on at the church. This continued on into November, as I planned my first worship service (Thanksgiving Eve) and I finalized what my internship project was to be: a youth leadership program called F.L.Y. or Family's Leadership in Youth. In October I also met the other interns in the area and have been befriended by the other two that are here in Vancouver. I look forward to our Monday night gatherings and I am thankful for their opening their hearts and homes to me.
And that brings us to December. This month has been hard for many reasons. Not only is the season of Advent full of new challenges (mid-week services and many many get-togethers) but there is other turmoil, turmoil that I will not mention here in a public space. One of the bits of inner conflict that I can mention is that my family, for financial reasons is not exchanging gifts this year nor are they able to make it up to visit me for the holidays. This marks the first Christmas (of probably many) that I will have to spend away from my family. It has been hard to deal with but I know that this is something that I will have to understand sooner rather than later.
But I am not alone with my personal conflicts. I have a friend that has had many hardships at work; another that has had to deal with death and another that has had to deal with great illness. Great conflict is all around me at a time of the year when I am supposed to be filled with and surrounded by joy. It's a duality that I have found hard to deal with. So 2009 appears to close in the same way that it started, with heart ache. The only difference being that of the source.
But I look forward to 2010 with great joy and some trepidation. I look forward to see how ministry plays out here at Family of Christ. I look forward to seeing my friends graduate from Luther Seminary in May. I look forward to seeing multiple friends start a life-long journey in marriage. I look forward to my return to Luther to see how their internship experiences went. I know that it is going to be difficult to leave Family of Christ at the end of the summer of 2010. But it is something that I will have to do.
But most of all I look forward to the rest of 2009 and the promises that are brought forward each Christmas.
Merry Christmas everyone!
The end of the year is almost here and with it comes a reflection of what has past. It is something that I have done for a number of years and each year seems to bring about different changes, different revelations about myself and the people around me. Now I could probably look back with great concentration and see different lessons from some of the more recent years to compare, but I honestly don't have the energy so I will focus on what has happened in the last 365 days, give or take a few.
In the year of our Lord, 2009, day one began with heartache; or at least the lasting effects of heart ache. But at the same time it was counteracted with the arrival of new friends. New Years Day was spent with my family, watch the Rose Parade and eating some sort of wonderful hot breakfast cooked by my father. The conclusion of New Year's Day proper meant that I was to be returning to St. Paul, to continue with school for the rest of the year.
It was here that new friends were to be found through the arrival of my January Term cross-cultural class that took place in South Minneapolis. It was a wonderful experience, in an old and cold church, that involved many lively discussion and an even greater amount of churros. I met some wonderful people there, people that I probably never would have got to know if it wasn't for the class. And even though the course was spent largely in a cold room, the people were loving and warm and full of life. A wonderful experience no doubt.
February brought with it two beginnings: the beginning of the semester and the beginning of a long weight-loss journey that I am still wondering my way through. Academically the semester was hardly out of the ordinary (although I did complete my first fully online class), but the weight-loss was a totally different story. I actually had started this journey back in August, but due to illness and certain involvements in my social life, it came to a bit of a halt. So I started again. I found myself weighing at just around 250 pounds and I set a goal of 210 by the Fourth of July. It gave me a weekly goal of just about two pounds per week. So I started getting up a little earlier than I had before and going to the gym. This wasn't always the easiest of things to do when it was freezing cold in the morning, but I went none-the-less. It was a hard that first month, but I hit my weekly goals each week.
Month-by-month the semester went by. And there were two classes that I thoroughly enjoyed: (although I think that all of my classes in the spring were great!) my online Holy Spirit class and my creative writing class. My Holy Spirit class was one of the most work intensive courses I have ever had. Being that it was online, there were large amounts of reading and even more writing to be done (I averaged about 12 double-spaced written pages per week, just for this Holy Spirit course). But at the same time I think I learned more from that Holy Spirit course than I did from any other. Granted the burden of learning was on my shoulders. If I didn't read or reply to the postings online, then I wasn't going to learn anything. It was a great challenge and I only wish that all online courses were that well done. And then there is the creative writing course, which was entirely less work intensive, but equally as rewarding. The class was small and it was spent entirely in discussion about how to write creatively and religiously. Our creative outlets were through hymns, poems or short stories/vignettes. It was a good opportunity to flex some creative writing muscle in the middle of a world dominated by dry academic writing. It also provided a nice counter-point to the very work intensive Holy Spirit course.
The spring semester of 2009 also brought with it the fulfillment of two plus years of course work and learning as I was to finally find out where I was going to be headed for internship. This was a process that I had started and inevitably had to delay in the spring of 2008; which meant that going through the process again was bittersweet. It meant that I had to going through some of the same orientation, listen to some of the same questions and read through some of the same congregational profiles again. It was a stressful process and I really just wanted to get it all over with and find out where I being sent.
But I still went through it all. I went to each of the orientation sessions. I read through dozens of congregational profiles. I rewrote my internship application and when all was said and done I had my heart set on one congregation in particular. Now before you get your hopes up like I did, I didn't get assigned to the church that I had my heart set on. I wasn't even told that I didn't get one of my four preferred congregations. Instead I opened up an email and I was assigned to a congregation that I had only read the profile once: Family of Christ Lutheran Church in Vancouver, WA. I was shocked and I didn't know what to do. I was crushed. (Before any of you readers out there get any ideas, I have loved my internship site and I have been blessed to be here, but I didn't know that this was going to be the case at the time.) It felt like I was dumped; which is ironic if you know how 2008 ended.
But life went on, and so did the semester. I finished my course work and was looking forward to a nice summer, a summer of rest before life to a left turn at Albuquerque and I started internship.
The summer of 2009 was full of travels; and with three different driving trips that were no less than 500 miles each, it was a lot of traveling. The first was a trip back home. Normally going home would mean jumping on a plane, but I had to get my car back to California for an emissions test so it was a road trip this time around. My Dad flew out from California and we drove across the country and back. The drive out to California was great. We had great weather, and even managed to get a free stay at a hotel for the return trip. The return trip, that was another story. But first, I should say that I enjoyed my time at home. I knew that I didn't know when I was going to make my way back home again so I made sure that I took extra time at home. But after almost three weeks at home I was ready to get back to my friends. The return trip. The return trip was nice until we made our way into Nebraska and then the fecal matter hit the rotating blades. The check engine light turned on not shortly after we entered Nebraska and it wasn't able to be fixed by a dealership until we got to the other end. Which really only temporarily fixed the problem as the check engine light came on again in Iowa. Long story to a short story; it was $1200 and three dealerships later until the car was completely fixed. I was not happy about it, but there wasn't much I could do. The next few weeks were a blur of activity.
I went camping to Lake Itasca, MN with some of my friends from the seminary. It was great fun, even though it rained practically non-stop. Basically the only times it didn't rain was when we set-up and took down camp and the hour or so that we spent on the lake canoeing. I should be happy to say that I managed not to tip the canoe even though I hadn't been canoeing since the 5th grade. It really was a great trip and I thoroughly enjoyed my tent bound trip with my friends.
I should pause this story to make note of the Fourth of July. It wasn't anything particularly amazing, fireworks and all the regular stuff that you expect from the celebration of our independence; but it is worth noting that I made my weight goal. In fact I had surpassed it by four pounds, weighing it at 206 pounds. It was a long and hard journey, but from August of 2008 to July of 2009 I went from 275+ pounds to 206 pounds. It was a net loss of approximately 70 pounds. I actually lost more total weight than that as I was down to 228 pounds in December of 2008 but gained the weight back by the beginning of February of 2009. My gross weight loss was approximately 92 pounds. Now granted some of that weight loss can be attributed to having mono at the end of 2008 and into the beginning of 2009. But I would like to think that I did most of the work.
After my trip to Lake Itasca it was a short rest before I had to back my life into boxes and head out west again. My last week in St. Paul was spent packing and organizing my life in to various size containers and figuring out what I was to keep with me and what was to stay back in storage. My final full day in St. Paul was marked by many good-byes and tears and packing up my car for the journey across the country.
My drive out to Vancouver, WA went without any sort of problems (thanks be to God!). I arrived at my new place of residence and was met by a few eager pair of hands to help me unpack. It was odd to not be living on a campus of higher learning any more, but I welcomed the site of a full kitchen at my disposal.
I arrived in Vancouver about a week before I was to officially start my internship and so I took advantage of the time and visited some friends in Seattle and took some time to set up and rest before a twelve month journey of learning and ministry.
At first start, internship was more questions than answers and I think that the first month I spent more time just trying to figure out what was going on than I did anything else. I spent much of that first month sitting in my office not know what it was that I was supposed to do, but that soon changed.
With the beginning of October came the beginning of what I think was my full swing of ministry. I took over the Adult Education hour (Adult Forum) between services Sunday mornings, as per the request of my supervisor; I continued working with the confirmation class; I started preaching on a regular basis; started thinking about my internship project; I started working with the youth; and much more. All of a sudden life didn't seem so boring, and I started to know what was going on at the church. This continued on into November, as I planned my first worship service (Thanksgiving Eve) and I finalized what my internship project was to be: a youth leadership program called F.L.Y. or Family's Leadership in Youth. In October I also met the other interns in the area and have been befriended by the other two that are here in Vancouver. I look forward to our Monday night gatherings and I am thankful for their opening their hearts and homes to me.
And that brings us to December. This month has been hard for many reasons. Not only is the season of Advent full of new challenges (mid-week services and many many get-togethers) but there is other turmoil, turmoil that I will not mention here in a public space. One of the bits of inner conflict that I can mention is that my family, for financial reasons is not exchanging gifts this year nor are they able to make it up to visit me for the holidays. This marks the first Christmas (of probably many) that I will have to spend away from my family. It has been hard to deal with but I know that this is something that I will have to understand sooner rather than later.
But I am not alone with my personal conflicts. I have a friend that has had many hardships at work; another that has had to deal with death and another that has had to deal with great illness. Great conflict is all around me at a time of the year when I am supposed to be filled with and surrounded by joy. It's a duality that I have found hard to deal with. So 2009 appears to close in the same way that it started, with heart ache. The only difference being that of the source.
But I look forward to 2010 with great joy and some trepidation. I look forward to see how ministry plays out here at Family of Christ. I look forward to seeing my friends graduate from Luther Seminary in May. I look forward to seeing multiple friends start a life-long journey in marriage. I look forward to my return to Luther to see how their internship experiences went. I know that it is going to be difficult to leave Family of Christ at the end of the summer of 2010. But it is something that I will have to do.
But most of all I look forward to the rest of 2009 and the promises that are brought forward each Christmas.
Merry Christmas everyone!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Things Present and Things to Come
When I first found out about where I was going to be doing internship I was a little less than happy. To be completely honest, I had to fight back the few tears that were trying to escape in the middle of class. It was not where I wanted to be, it wasn't even one of my preferences. I was in shock and after reading the congregation's profile, I felt like I was thrown into the exact place I didn't want to be. The congregation wanted someone enthusiastic about Youth and Family ministry as well as Mission and Outreach. When I read that I what was really being said, "Glorified Youth Director." That was exactly what I was trying to avoid. I knew almost nothing about the congregation and could find nothing out online as their website was all but broken. I knew that this was a site I didn't want to be at. I knew that I really wanted to be somewhere else. The only thing that I truly liked about the site was that it was in Washington State.
At first glance I thought that this was just another adversity for me to overcome in my seminary journey. I whined and moaned and complained (thanks to those that were willing to listen, you know who you are) and it got me absolutely nowhere. I realized that there was no way for me to change where I was going so I tried to make the best of it. It wasn't easy, and by the time I darkened the door of my office for the first time I couldn't honestly say that I was completely crazy about the idea of being.
I'm now two months into my internship and I don't know if I could have found a better place. Oh sure, there are things that I might wish to have different, but I still am doing all the things that I wished I could do on internship and more. I am on a committee to discuss the recent changes in the ELCA. I get to teach confirmation just about every other week. I've been leading the Adult Education hour between services since the first week of October. I'm preaching at least twice a month. I'm helping to develop services, working with council, leading worship, working with the youth and more. It is so amazing to me that a place that I had no desire to be at is the place that I probably needed to be at the most.
Of course I shouldn't be surprised, this seems to be my life since I felt the call to seminary/life of ministry. I ended up at Luther Seminary instead of Pacific Lutheran Theological Seminary. I ended up doing my Clinical Pastoral Education (chaplaincy for those who do not know) not in California close to home but in the Twin Cities in the coldest and snowiest winter they have since I've been there. I ended up doing internship my fourth year of seminary instead of my third. Nothing seems to go as I planned it to be. And a little bit of pop-culture/theology might have something to say about it.
So I started reading The Shack. After months of trying to avoid it I felt that it was finally something that I should do. And even though I haven't finished it yet (so no spoilers please!!!) I can see the value in the book. At one point in the book there is a conversation about conforming to the will of God and how we must be willing to do what God wants even if we can't understand why. It's a hard lesson to learn but it is so key. Now this particular conversation in the book was also talking about freedom, but I won't go there. My point is that my wants, my will is broken by sin and therefore self-serving. I can't possibly know that is the best thing for me because I can't see beyond myself. God on the other hand is not handicapped by sin and God's will is perfect. It is only until I am willing to see that fact that I can be able to move freely in his will. And until I learn this I must continue to wander through the desert (metaphorically speaking).
This last Sunday the topic for the Adult Education hour was Old Testament themes, one of which being wandering and wilderness. One of part of the themes is that it is a vital part of one's faith to wander through the wilderness. It may seem that this is contradictory. To wander is to be lost, but in the Bible to wander is to be closer to God. The wandering in the wilderness is a time of discernment, grow, learning and faith. Even Christ had to wander in the wilderness for forty days before he was able to fulfill his ministry and ultimate task of death on the cross. Now I'm not trying to say that I am Christ, I am far from it, but I have recognized that this time is a time of discernment for me. I need this time as it is vital to my faith. Before this time I took at face value what was presented for me. If someone said God is good, I believed them because it made sense, but I had never thought how or why God is good. If someone told me that such and such was a sin, I believed them for the same reasons, never challenging the perspective to see if it truly fit with my own, to see if it fit with my relationship with God. Now I cannot make right my relationship with God through wandering, but I can be lead to a better understanding during my wanderings by the Holy Spirit. And I think that is were I am, wandering with the Spirit as my guide.
And so I wander, I don't know what the rest of this year is going to hold for me. Sure I can look at the calendar and see what is coming up and I can see the relationships of the people in this congregation grow and change as my time goes by, but I don't know what is going to happen with 100% certainty. And the great part is that I don't have to. All I need to do is be present in the moment, right now, and know that whatever is going to happen God will guide me. In the end all I can hope for is an experience that is as good as the one that I've had so far. And so far the experience has been great.
At first glance I thought that this was just another adversity for me to overcome in my seminary journey. I whined and moaned and complained (thanks to those that were willing to listen, you know who you are) and it got me absolutely nowhere. I realized that there was no way for me to change where I was going so I tried to make the best of it. It wasn't easy, and by the time I darkened the door of my office for the first time I couldn't honestly say that I was completely crazy about the idea of being.
I'm now two months into my internship and I don't know if I could have found a better place. Oh sure, there are things that I might wish to have different, but I still am doing all the things that I wished I could do on internship and more. I am on a committee to discuss the recent changes in the ELCA. I get to teach confirmation just about every other week. I've been leading the Adult Education hour between services since the first week of October. I'm preaching at least twice a month. I'm helping to develop services, working with council, leading worship, working with the youth and more. It is so amazing to me that a place that I had no desire to be at is the place that I probably needed to be at the most.
Of course I shouldn't be surprised, this seems to be my life since I felt the call to seminary/life of ministry. I ended up at Luther Seminary instead of Pacific Lutheran Theological Seminary. I ended up doing my Clinical Pastoral Education (chaplaincy for those who do not know) not in California close to home but in the Twin Cities in the coldest and snowiest winter they have since I've been there. I ended up doing internship my fourth year of seminary instead of my third. Nothing seems to go as I planned it to be. And a little bit of pop-culture/theology might have something to say about it.
So I started reading The Shack. After months of trying to avoid it I felt that it was finally something that I should do. And even though I haven't finished it yet (so no spoilers please!!!) I can see the value in the book. At one point in the book there is a conversation about conforming to the will of God and how we must be willing to do what God wants even if we can't understand why. It's a hard lesson to learn but it is so key. Now this particular conversation in the book was also talking about freedom, but I won't go there. My point is that my wants, my will is broken by sin and therefore self-serving. I can't possibly know that is the best thing for me because I can't see beyond myself. God on the other hand is not handicapped by sin and God's will is perfect. It is only until I am willing to see that fact that I can be able to move freely in his will. And until I learn this I must continue to wander through the desert (metaphorically speaking).
This last Sunday the topic for the Adult Education hour was Old Testament themes, one of which being wandering and wilderness. One of part of the themes is that it is a vital part of one's faith to wander through the wilderness. It may seem that this is contradictory. To wander is to be lost, but in the Bible to wander is to be closer to God. The wandering in the wilderness is a time of discernment, grow, learning and faith. Even Christ had to wander in the wilderness for forty days before he was able to fulfill his ministry and ultimate task of death on the cross. Now I'm not trying to say that I am Christ, I am far from it, but I have recognized that this time is a time of discernment for me. I need this time as it is vital to my faith. Before this time I took at face value what was presented for me. If someone said God is good, I believed them because it made sense, but I had never thought how or why God is good. If someone told me that such and such was a sin, I believed them for the same reasons, never challenging the perspective to see if it truly fit with my own, to see if it fit with my relationship with God. Now I cannot make right my relationship with God through wandering, but I can be lead to a better understanding during my wanderings by the Holy Spirit. And I think that is were I am, wandering with the Spirit as my guide.
And so I wander, I don't know what the rest of this year is going to hold for me. Sure I can look at the calendar and see what is coming up and I can see the relationships of the people in this congregation grow and change as my time goes by, but I don't know what is going to happen with 100% certainty. And the great part is that I don't have to. All I need to do is be present in the moment, right now, and know that whatever is going to happen God will guide me. In the end all I can hope for is an experience that is as good as the one that I've had so far. And so far the experience has been great.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Decemberween (sorry Strong Bad)
“I'm torn between what keeps me whole and what tears me in half
I'll fall apart or stay intact
With tired eyes I stumble back to bed
I need to realize my sorry life's not hanging by a thread
At least not yet”
-Merry Christmas, Here’s to Many More – Relient K
I’ve stumbled upon listening to the Relient K Christmas Album Let It Snow Baby…Let it Reindeer; and to be honest I have enjoyed the quirky twist on familiar carols and Christmas tunes along side some of Relient K’s very own original Christmas songs. It isn’t the first time that I’ve listened to these songs out of season, there is something comforting about listening to Christmas music, it is nice to hear that warm and up lifting music…
This afternoon I got back from the Fall Cluster Meeting for the Vancouver/Oregon region of interns. I wasn’t sure what to expect and there was a large part of me that wanted to speak out against the $90 fee that came alongside it. But I decided to give the 17+ hours we had together the benefit of the doubt (we met at 7pm on Tuesday and were over at lunch today). I am glad that I spent the time and energy to go to this retreat/meeting because it allowed me to meet the other interns for the first time since I’ve entered the great green Northwest. There was a total of five intern/internship supervisor pairs plus the contextual leadership coordinator for the region, we were missing one intern/supervisor pair but hopefully they will be able to make it in the spring. The retreat was a time to get to know the other interns in the area and their pastors and see where each other was in the process. And let me say thank God for the fact that I was able to interact with my peers for the first time since I left the seminary in August! I have been deprived of interaction within a peer group for the most part and I was really starting to notice the fact that I was lacking any sort of social life.
The night started as one might expect, introductions and a quick discussion and then the group split, interns in one room and supervisors in another. It was such a treat to be able to hear the other intern’s stories on how they got out to Washington or Oregon and how they have been able to do ministry in each of the different congregations. For some of us, the Pacific Northwest was a brand experiences and for others, well they had lived here a number of years before they started seminary or internship so it wasn’t as new and exciting. And as different as each of our sites were, there were so many common experiences between us. It was nice to know that there were people like me, seminary students on internship that were experiencing the same things that I was.
After our small group discussion we gathered back together to discuss what we had shared. It was a nice little discussion but what I really appreciated was what happened next, free time! I know that sounds like a junior higher at bible camp, but it was true. I just wanted to talk and find out more about these people. But the first thing we did was play a game of pictionary that had the most fluid rules I had ever seen in a game. It was fun and it made way for discussion after the game was over. We started chatting about beer and baseball and it soon took the form of the ever changing conversation that could have possibly gone on until sunrise, it didn’t but it did go until 1am.
The morning was quick in coming and not well received by myself. I was ready for another 1-4 hours of sleep and I really wished that I could have spent the morning just talking with the interns; instead we spent the time in a mini-workshop on Spiritual Direction which included a walk through the labyrinth and guided listening/discussion. It was soon lunch time and I thoroughly felt refreshed (if not extremely tired) from the 17 hours with my peers. And even though I had to go to the office for a few hours to work and I still have more stuff to do tonight, I am renewed and ready for the rest of the week.
…It’s so easy to forget that we need to be lifted up and to be in relationship with other people. And I really hadn’t received either of those since I’ve started internship. Sure I’ve been told that I’ve done a good job and that people appreciated my internship but I have yet to make any new friends or really feel like I’m in a true relationship with those that are around me. And maybe that is what’s so inviting about listening to Christmas music, it reminds us of family, friends and times of warmth, relationship and being lifted up. And I think that is why I’m so attracted to this particular Relient K song right now; the final two verses go:
So look at me now
It’s finally Christmas and I'm home
Head indoors, to get out of this weather
And I don't know how
But the closest friends I've ever known are all inside
Singing together
Singing merry Christmas, here's to many more
Deck the halls with mistletoe
May all your heavy burdens go
Up the chimney in a cloud of smoke
The fire's burning bright
Strike up the band and play the tune
Cause Christmas will be here and soon
You'll hear our song in every room
This merry Christmas night
To be around our closest friends and family is definitely the greatest gift of the holidays and I can only hope to be so lucky as to have one or two of my closest friends and family near me this Christmas.
Either way, I know that I’m not hanging on by a thread and that I’m not being torn in half. I know that I have close friends and family. I know that no matter where I am and where my friends and family are, they will love me with a love that knows no bounds or space. I know that once Christmas comes, they will be with me even if I cannot see them. And I know, with every fiber of my being, that there are many more Merry Christmas’ to share and enjoy with my friends and family. And in the end, I’ll be okay.
So here’s to listening to Christmas music, any time of year.
I'll fall apart or stay intact
With tired eyes I stumble back to bed
I need to realize my sorry life's not hanging by a thread
At least not yet”
-Merry Christmas, Here’s to Many More – Relient K
I’ve stumbled upon listening to the Relient K Christmas Album Let It Snow Baby…Let it Reindeer; and to be honest I have enjoyed the quirky twist on familiar carols and Christmas tunes along side some of Relient K’s very own original Christmas songs. It isn’t the first time that I’ve listened to these songs out of season, there is something comforting about listening to Christmas music, it is nice to hear that warm and up lifting music…
This afternoon I got back from the Fall Cluster Meeting for the Vancouver/Oregon region of interns. I wasn’t sure what to expect and there was a large part of me that wanted to speak out against the $90 fee that came alongside it. But I decided to give the 17+ hours we had together the benefit of the doubt (we met at 7pm on Tuesday and were over at lunch today). I am glad that I spent the time and energy to go to this retreat/meeting because it allowed me to meet the other interns for the first time since I’ve entered the great green Northwest. There was a total of five intern/internship supervisor pairs plus the contextual leadership coordinator for the region, we were missing one intern/supervisor pair but hopefully they will be able to make it in the spring. The retreat was a time to get to know the other interns in the area and their pastors and see where each other was in the process. And let me say thank God for the fact that I was able to interact with my peers for the first time since I left the seminary in August! I have been deprived of interaction within a peer group for the most part and I was really starting to notice the fact that I was lacking any sort of social life.
The night started as one might expect, introductions and a quick discussion and then the group split, interns in one room and supervisors in another. It was such a treat to be able to hear the other intern’s stories on how they got out to Washington or Oregon and how they have been able to do ministry in each of the different congregations. For some of us, the Pacific Northwest was a brand experiences and for others, well they had lived here a number of years before they started seminary or internship so it wasn’t as new and exciting. And as different as each of our sites were, there were so many common experiences between us. It was nice to know that there were people like me, seminary students on internship that were experiencing the same things that I was.
After our small group discussion we gathered back together to discuss what we had shared. It was a nice little discussion but what I really appreciated was what happened next, free time! I know that sounds like a junior higher at bible camp, but it was true. I just wanted to talk and find out more about these people. But the first thing we did was play a game of pictionary that had the most fluid rules I had ever seen in a game. It was fun and it made way for discussion after the game was over. We started chatting about beer and baseball and it soon took the form of the ever changing conversation that could have possibly gone on until sunrise, it didn’t but it did go until 1am.
The morning was quick in coming and not well received by myself. I was ready for another 1-4 hours of sleep and I really wished that I could have spent the morning just talking with the interns; instead we spent the time in a mini-workshop on Spiritual Direction which included a walk through the labyrinth and guided listening/discussion. It was soon lunch time and I thoroughly felt refreshed (if not extremely tired) from the 17 hours with my peers. And even though I had to go to the office for a few hours to work and I still have more stuff to do tonight, I am renewed and ready for the rest of the week.
…It’s so easy to forget that we need to be lifted up and to be in relationship with other people. And I really hadn’t received either of those since I’ve started internship. Sure I’ve been told that I’ve done a good job and that people appreciated my internship but I have yet to make any new friends or really feel like I’m in a true relationship with those that are around me. And maybe that is what’s so inviting about listening to Christmas music, it reminds us of family, friends and times of warmth, relationship and being lifted up. And I think that is why I’m so attracted to this particular Relient K song right now; the final two verses go:
So look at me now
It’s finally Christmas and I'm home
Head indoors, to get out of this weather
And I don't know how
But the closest friends I've ever known are all inside
Singing together
Singing merry Christmas, here's to many more
Deck the halls with mistletoe
May all your heavy burdens go
Up the chimney in a cloud of smoke
The fire's burning bright
Strike up the band and play the tune
Cause Christmas will be here and soon
You'll hear our song in every room
This merry Christmas night
To be around our closest friends and family is definitely the greatest gift of the holidays and I can only hope to be so lucky as to have one or two of my closest friends and family near me this Christmas.
Either way, I know that I’m not hanging on by a thread and that I’m not being torn in half. I know that I have close friends and family. I know that no matter where I am and where my friends and family are, they will love me with a love that knows no bounds or space. I know that once Christmas comes, they will be with me even if I cannot see them. And I know, with every fiber of my being, that there are many more Merry Christmas’ to share and enjoy with my friends and family. And in the end, I’ll be okay.
So here’s to listening to Christmas music, any time of year.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
A Corner Turned and There's No Turning Back
Last night was the first council meeting for me at my internship site. It was full of the regular council stuff, old and new business. Reports from the various committees. General concern about certain goings on at the church, but there was something else that was unusual. There was a report from two women of the congregation that were not part of the council. The unique part of the report is that they are the only openly gay couple that are in the congregation (at least from what I can tell). I won't go into the details of why they were there (there was a very distasteful action as well as come good conversations for them to report on) but it ended in a resolution for further communication in the congregation, especially in light of the recent actions in the ELCA. The corner has been turned and there is no turning back.
In the two plus weeks that I have been working at this church, this is the first time that a large group (approximately 15 people were at council) had discussed this in my presence. And I could tell from the reactions of the people in the room that this was not going to be an easy conversation to have. Just amongst the council there were people that seemed as if they wanted to engage in honest, open and respectful conversation; while others seemed to not care about what was going on, doing their best to not engage in what is going on. I would hope that these conversations bring the congregation closer, but I know by their very nature that they can cause divisions.
There were encouraging parts to the meeting. There were some very strong voices of support. The president of the council said that the church needs to continue to focus on the fact that all are welcomed in the church, no matter what they've done or who they are. He sighted the mission statement of the church that all are welcome, saying, "When we stop welcoming people we seriously need to reconsider what we are doing as a church." I seriously hope to be a part of this group that is discussing this, but I don't know if that will be possible.
It's interesting. I was thinking about writing a post on Monday and I didn't get around to it. It was going to be inspired by the fact that on Sunday during the second service I saw a small boy (whose name I cannot remember) literally ran/danced up to the communion rail and held out his hand eagerly awaiting the bread and grape juice that would be coming his way. And I thought that if a small boy could be that excited about going up for communion then this is going to be a great year. And it still could be, but this conversation(s) that is about to take place could cause some conflict and it is not going to be resolved by the time that I leave here almost a year from now. I hope that the conversation brings growing and closer relationships between the church's members, but I have no gauge of how it is going to go. People here seem content with ignoring the issue. But I am afraid that this is something that can no longer be avoided; and my fear is seeded in the fact that people don't know how to react. But I am hoping for the best. I think that internship just got a lot more interesting.
In the two plus weeks that I have been working at this church, this is the first time that a large group (approximately 15 people were at council) had discussed this in my presence. And I could tell from the reactions of the people in the room that this was not going to be an easy conversation to have. Just amongst the council there were people that seemed as if they wanted to engage in honest, open and respectful conversation; while others seemed to not care about what was going on, doing their best to not engage in what is going on. I would hope that these conversations bring the congregation closer, but I know by their very nature that they can cause divisions.
There were encouraging parts to the meeting. There were some very strong voices of support. The president of the council said that the church needs to continue to focus on the fact that all are welcomed in the church, no matter what they've done or who they are. He sighted the mission statement of the church that all are welcome, saying, "When we stop welcoming people we seriously need to reconsider what we are doing as a church." I seriously hope to be a part of this group that is discussing this, but I don't know if that will be possible.
It's interesting. I was thinking about writing a post on Monday and I didn't get around to it. It was going to be inspired by the fact that on Sunday during the second service I saw a small boy (whose name I cannot remember) literally ran/danced up to the communion rail and held out his hand eagerly awaiting the bread and grape juice that would be coming his way. And I thought that if a small boy could be that excited about going up for communion then this is going to be a great year. And it still could be, but this conversation(s) that is about to take place could cause some conflict and it is not going to be resolved by the time that I leave here almost a year from now. I hope that the conversation brings growing and closer relationships between the church's members, but I have no gauge of how it is going to go. People here seem content with ignoring the issue. But I am afraid that this is something that can no longer be avoided; and my fear is seeded in the fact that people don't know how to react. But I am hoping for the best. I think that internship just got a lot more interesting.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Installation...what am I a shelf?
This past Sunday I was installed as the second intern of Family of Christ and when it was all said and done I didn't feel any different. Granted, I am now officially the second intern and I now officially have to pay attention to Sunday mornings, but I don't feel any different. After the second service was over on Sunday I went an socialized with the 20 or so people that stayed after service and talked for a bit, but I didn't feel any different. And I have to say that this whole, start at a new church thing is weird.
I am getting to know a whole new community of people and it is a bit overwhelming. It's really easy for all of them to remember my name but I only know the names of a handful of people. I need to learn little bits of information about them. I need to learn who to contact in different situations. I need to learn who are the leaders and who likes to stay in the shadows. I need to learn my own responsibilities, all of this in a year. And I am learning, but it is slow. When you are drinking out of the proverbial fire hose it is hard to remember who you've met and what their names are and what they do and this and that and the other thing. But I guess this is just part of the deal. You are expect to stumble through this first part of this chapter of life, there's no way around it. Even if I were to sit with the "mostly complete" church directory I would still be at a loss. Life is going to keep going and I will do my best to keep up. And this week will help with that.
With my supervisor out of the office most of this week. I am going to need to be really proactive to be able to do what I need to do and actually find work to do. I know that there are people I should go and visit, just to get to know the congregation a little better and I have an article due for the church newsletter, so it's not as if there is nothing for me to do. But at the same time I just want to go take a nap and enjoy what looks to be a very nice day.
On the bright side, I found a wonderful little Mexican restaurant that I can see myself frequenting quite a bit while I'm here. Until next time...
I am getting to know a whole new community of people and it is a bit overwhelming. It's really easy for all of them to remember my name but I only know the names of a handful of people. I need to learn little bits of information about them. I need to learn who to contact in different situations. I need to learn who are the leaders and who likes to stay in the shadows. I need to learn my own responsibilities, all of this in a year. And I am learning, but it is slow. When you are drinking out of the proverbial fire hose it is hard to remember who you've met and what their names are and what they do and this and that and the other thing. But I guess this is just part of the deal. You are expect to stumble through this first part of this chapter of life, there's no way around it. Even if I were to sit with the "mostly complete" church directory I would still be at a loss. Life is going to keep going and I will do my best to keep up. And this week will help with that.
With my supervisor out of the office most of this week. I am going to need to be really proactive to be able to do what I need to do and actually find work to do. I know that there are people I should go and visit, just to get to know the congregation a little better and I have an article due for the church newsletter, so it's not as if there is nothing for me to do. But at the same time I just want to go take a nap and enjoy what looks to be a very nice day.
On the bright side, I found a wonderful little Mexican restaurant that I can see myself frequenting quite a bit while I'm here. Until next time...
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Lions and Tigers and Interns! OH MY!
Yesterday was the official start of my internship and to be completely honest it hasn't quite sunk in yet. There is still so much for me to understand and figure out. Like: When is my day off? What are my learning goals? Who's on my internship committee? What is it that I am supposed to do while I sit here in my office? When do I get paid? When do I tell the pastor that I want to go on vacation in May? And more questions. Some things are slowly starting to fall into place and I am slowly (emphasis on the slowly) learning peoples names. So far it has been like someone handed me the directory and told me to know everyone all at once. I know that it is going to be a gradual process but I feel so overwhelmed with the whole enterprise. And I'm not entirely sure what it is that I'm doing right now. I feel lost. But I'm not sure that I should be feeling anything else. I mean, isn't that the whole point of intership? To throw someone into the mix and not just let them dip their toes into the shallow end? (Sorry for the mixed metaphor.)
And yesterday was a long day. I got to the office at 8:30 or so and started to begin the process of making my office mine. It is a humble beginning but I already have stupid Jesus paraphernalia (Jesus Band-aids!) and all of the books that I brought with me in my office. It is a rather sad looking book case, but hopefully I will fill it with pictures and other fun stuff soon. But after that I had my first staff meeting, which was kinda quick and didn't really do much besides have me meet the staff. I also met with the Preschool staff over coffee. It was an interesting group. Then I go back to my office and do some work and I soon realize that I didn't bring a lunch. So I go back to my place and make a quick lunch so I can bring it back with me.
I eat my sandwich and then try to look busy for the next couple of hours and decide that there is nothing left for me to do so I go home and start making dinner. After I eat dinner I have just enough time to finish watching the episode of How I Met Your Mother and change and head back to the church and met with the deacons and diaconal candidates. I felt a little out of place as I have very little experience with the subject but was still able to offer a little to the meeting. I get back to my place at about 8pm and I have to clean up dinner, which gives me just enough time to relax for a little less than an hour before I should go to bed.
Now today is much like yesterday. Morning prayer, me trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do, but today I brought lunch. But like yesterday I have more meetings in the evening. So I'm debating as to when I should leave for the day so I can come back tonight rested. I'm sure I'll make that decision soon. I have to say it is weird to know that I should be doing something but not knowing what that something is. Hey, at least with writing these blogs I look busy. And that counts for something right?
Tonight I meet my internship committee (which they have decided to call the Intern Task Force, which sounds like it belongs in some sort of ELCA published comic) and I'm kinda nervous. I know that they are here to support me and offer me advise, etc. But both the committee and myself have no idea what we are doing so I wonder how things are going to start. But for now I guess all I can do is tread water until I know where it is that I am supposed to swim.
And yesterday was a long day. I got to the office at 8:30 or so and started to begin the process of making my office mine. It is a humble beginning but I already have stupid Jesus paraphernalia (Jesus Band-aids!) and all of the books that I brought with me in my office. It is a rather sad looking book case, but hopefully I will fill it with pictures and other fun stuff soon. But after that I had my first staff meeting, which was kinda quick and didn't really do much besides have me meet the staff. I also met with the Preschool staff over coffee. It was an interesting group. Then I go back to my office and do some work and I soon realize that I didn't bring a lunch. So I go back to my place and make a quick lunch so I can bring it back with me.
I eat my sandwich and then try to look busy for the next couple of hours and decide that there is nothing left for me to do so I go home and start making dinner. After I eat dinner I have just enough time to finish watching the episode of How I Met Your Mother and change and head back to the church and met with the deacons and diaconal candidates. I felt a little out of place as I have very little experience with the subject but was still able to offer a little to the meeting. I get back to my place at about 8pm and I have to clean up dinner, which gives me just enough time to relax for a little less than an hour before I should go to bed.
Now today is much like yesterday. Morning prayer, me trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do, but today I brought lunch. But like yesterday I have more meetings in the evening. So I'm debating as to when I should leave for the day so I can come back tonight rested. I'm sure I'll make that decision soon. I have to say it is weird to know that I should be doing something but not knowing what that something is. Hey, at least with writing these blogs I look busy. And that counts for something right?
Tonight I meet my internship committee (which they have decided to call the Intern Task Force, which sounds like it belongs in some sort of ELCA published comic) and I'm kinda nervous. I know that they are here to support me and offer me advise, etc. But both the committee and myself have no idea what we are doing so I wonder how things are going to start. But for now I guess all I can do is tread water until I know where it is that I am supposed to swim.
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